Holding
My Shadow Gently
I'm
holding my shadow gently as I birth into each new moment. Watching
gratitude rise up as victim quiets. Each day calls me to its
newness. The habits of my life recreate sameness; some comforting, some not.
I'm a creature of comfort and habit looking for something new and
exciting. That paradox is not missed here.
Yesterday
was my first All Love class since before Margi died in early December. It
was a very small gathering of beautiful souls, just 3 of us, but it was deep
and full of Love. I'm so grateful for this amazing gift of All
Love. Thankful to its founder, my rascally friend and teacher Patrick
Zeigler for gifting me with this energy to share! I thank him for his
dear friendship and his playful poignant jabs at my delusions and mind
games. He's less available to me these days as he becomes so busy
teaching around the world. That sucks! And there's that unhappy
victim again. Oh well.
Life/Spirit
seems to be giving me challenges with the theme of lost loved ones. This
earth life is all about that kind of challenge. Close intimate
friendships and love have always been central to my well being and joy of
living. Aging inevitably brings this challenge forward. And that
just sucks! There's my less than mature response. It's an honest
but guarded and somewhat flippant response as I hide the broken heart residing
here.
So I'm
rebuilding my life again without my constant companion friend Margi. We
spent so much time together and had so many wonderful comforting (not always
healthy) habits we shared. I'm angry and I'm also excited about what will
open in my life through this change. I missed my chance to reconnect with
my Quaker community today, something I didn't even consider before Margi's
death. No more quiet Sundays with Margi waking
up on my couch and getting up to bring me my cup of coffee I brewed for
us. And no more Sunday lunches out
together. This was our constant weekend
ritual filled with laughter and movie watching.
Nothing like a friend who loves to make you laugh!
The quiet
in my life is astounding. Great
opportunity for re-establishing my sitting meditation practice that has fallen to
brief moments of presence throughout my day.
As my heart longs for the comfort of loved ones lost I'm curious at what
rises in my life now and look forward to what life/Spirit will bring in next. Coming back to now as I write this, now as I
watch the words appear on the page. I
only have now. Even the now that dances
in my mind with dear memories of the past or joyful plans of building my future
with love. So this is my journey for now
Beloveds. What is rising up in your
beautiful life? Sending love to you as
we all stumble or dance onward into the ever present now.
I love you!
