Holding My Shadow Gently
I'm holding my shadow gently as I birth into each new moment. Watching gratitude rise up as victim quiets. Each day calls me to its newness. The habits of my life recreate sameness; some comforting, some not. I'm a creature of comfort and habit looking for something new and exciting. That paradox is not missed here.
Yesterday was my first All Love class since before Margi died in early December. It was a very small gathering of beautiful souls, just 3 of us, but it was deep and full of Love. I'm so grateful for this amazing gift of All Love. Thankful to its founder, my rascally friend and teacher Patrick Zeigler for gifting me with this energy to share! I thank him for his dear friendship and his playful poignant jabs at my delusions and mind games. He's less available to me these days as he becomes so busy teaching around the world. That sucks! And there's that unhappy victim again. Oh well.
Life/Spirit seems to be giving me challenges with the theme of lost loved ones. This earth life is all about that kind of challenge. Close intimate friendships and love have always been central to my well being and joy of living. Aging inevitably brings this challenge forward. And that just sucks! There's my less than mature response. It's an honest but guarded and somewhat flippant response as I hide the broken heart residing here.
So I'm rebuilding my life again without my constant companion friend Margi. We spent so much time together and had so many wonderful comforting (not always healthy) habits we shared. I'm angry and I'm also excited about what will open in my life through this change. I missed my chance to reconnect with my Quaker community today, something I didn't even consider before Margi's death. No more quiet Sundays with Margi waking up on my couch and getting up to bring me my cup of coffee I brewed for us. And no more Sunday lunches out together. This was our constant weekend ritual filled with laughter and movie watching. Nothing like a friend who loves to make you laugh!
The quiet in my life is astounding. Great opportunity for re-establishing my sitting meditation practice that has fallen to brief moments of presence throughout my day. As my heart longs for the comfort of loved ones lost I'm curious at what rises in my life now and look forward to what life/Spirit will bring in next. Coming back to now as I write this, now as I watch the words appear on the page. I only have now. Even the now that dances in my mind with dear memories of the past or joyful plans of building my future with love. So this is my journey for now Beloveds. What is rising up in your beautiful life? Sending love to you as we all stumble or dance onward into the ever present now.
I love you!