Thursday, April 26, 2018

The Gift of a Glance

If I could give you anything I'd give you love so deep freedom opens up inside you.   A freedom immersed in peace and joy.  This love and freedom does not require anything of you, nor do I need to give it to you.  It remains hidden in all of us waiting for a glance in its direction. Give it a glance and see what happens. 

I love you, Beloveds!

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Holding My Shadow Gently

Holding My Shadow Gently

I'm holding my shadow gently as I birth into each new moment.  Watching gratitude rise up as victim quiets.  Each day calls me to its newness.  The habits of my life recreate sameness; some comforting, some not.  I'm a creature of comfort and habit looking for something new and exciting.  That paradox is not missed here.  

Yesterday was my first All Love class since before Margi died in early December.  It was a very small gathering of beautiful souls, just 3 of us, but it was deep and full of Love.  I'm so grateful for this amazing gift of All Love.  Thankful to its founder, my rascally friend and teacher Patrick Zeigler for gifting me with this energy to share!  I thank him for his dear friendship and his playful poignant jabs at my delusions and mind games.  He's less available to me these days as he becomes so busy teaching around the world.  That sucks!  And there's that unhappy victim again.  Oh well. 

Life/Spirit seems to be giving me challenges with the theme of lost loved ones.  This earth life is all about that kind of challenge.  Close intimate friendships and love have always been central to my well being and joy of living.  Aging inevitably brings this challenge forward.  And that just sucks!  There's my less than mature response.  It's an honest but guarded and somewhat flippant response as I hide the broken heart residing here.

So I'm rebuilding my life again without my constant companion friend Margi.  We spent so much time together and had so many wonderful comforting (not always healthy) habits we shared.  I'm angry and I'm also excited about what will open in my life through this change.  I missed my chance to reconnect with my Quaker community today, something I didn't even consider before Margi's death.  No more quiet Sundays with Margi waking up on my couch and getting up to bring me my cup of coffee I brewed for us.  And no more Sunday lunches out together.  This was our constant weekend ritual filled with laughter and movie watching.  Nothing like a friend who loves to make you laugh! 

The quiet in my life is astounding.  Great opportunity for re-establishing my sitting meditation practice that has fallen to brief moments of presence throughout my day.  As my heart longs for the comfort of loved ones lost I'm curious at what rises in my life now and look forward to what life/Spirit will bring in next.  Coming back to now as I write this, now as I watch the words appear on the page.  I only have now.  Even the now that dances in my mind with dear memories of the past or joyful plans of building my future with love.  So this is my journey for now Beloveds.  What is rising up in your beautiful life?  Sending love to you as we all stumble or dance onward into the ever present now. 

 I love you!

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Grief and Failure Musings

Grief and Failure Musings - March 19, 2018

I am tired of my grief.  Tired of my failures.

Tired of my stories of loss!

I long for love that lifts me up and soothes the broken pieces of me.

I'm lost in my foolishness.  

Embarrassed at my inadequacy and not being good enough.


Not enough!

Tired of believing I'm not good enough!


That's enough!

And so it is!

Monday, February 19, 2018

Greetings Beloveds,

Many things have transpired since I last posted here.  I plan to be more present on this blog soon but for now here are links to several of my newsletters to update you on recent happenings in my life.

Decided to update and include the most of the above newsletter here:

Coming out from under the bed.   February 19, 2018 Newsletter

Greetings Beloveds!

I'm finally emerging from hiding.  I've been in a state of overwhelm with the recent changes in my life.   Margi's death took time to fully impact me.  In the beginning I was in a state of shock and grace all at the same time.  I felt her intimately close to me in spirit for the first few weeks.  She was with me even closer than before.  I can still connect with her but she is not so powerfully close now.   I so miss her gentle easy presence in my daily life and her way of seeing situations from so many angles.  She credited that talent to her Piscean nature.   Miss you and love you Margi!  Rock on in spirit!

I've been avoiding teaching All Love classes for the last couple months because of all the feelings inside me needing to get out.  The classes allow participants to open to their hidden or pushed down feelings in a safe and supportive environment.  They open us to healing and releasing whatever arises.  I knew that I would go into a healing if I was to try to lead the class and that's not my role as teacher.   So I hid "under the bed" for a while letting my grief process unfold. 

So many times I found myself in a painful and uncomfortable state through the grief and the fear accompanying it.  There's a part of me that doesn't fear death but sees it as a delicious release from limitations.  But I do fear being incapacitated and becoming a burden to others.  The death of someone close brings all these things to the forefront.   When I felt the pain and fears I tried to run from them, unsuccessfully.   I had to remember what I teach my clients and students; to embrace the feelings no matter how uncomfortable they are.  Treat them like your crying children and embrace them with love.  The quicker I did this practice the quicker the feeling would ease and let go into the next moment of experience.   

It really is true that what we resist persists.   Embracing the feelings is an act of self love.  Finding a safe space to fully feel and even safely act out the feelings is life changing.  The key is safe and supportive space either alone or with someone that can hold you and witness with love without taking anything personally.   I've had the grace of having healers and friends that could hold me and guide me to the center of my pain and fears.  So much was released and so much light began to shine through afterwards.   I was told to look in the mirror after a session and I could see the lightness shining in my own eyes. 

I hope my sharing is helpful for your journey. These sad and challenging times call on us to respond to the world and ourselves with love and compassion, not fear and malice.  Feeling fear and even rage is an honest human response but passing that rage and fear along to others is crux of our problems.   Feelings come and go quickly unless our minds begin to obsess over them or we are chemically imbalanced.   I've been though both obsession and imbalance.  I'm an on-going work in process as I let go, embrace myself lovingly and let the 'peace of being' arise through these sad times.

 I'm happy to say I've done enough work that I'm ready to teach again now.  I'll be offering an All Love class on Saturday afternoon, March 10th from 3pm to 6pm.  Hopefully we will have weather that doesn't interfere by then.  The cost is $35 and I offer discounts to those that need them.  Hope to see you here as I re-emerge right before we 'Spring Forward'!

From my heart to your heart, much love and many sweet blessings to you!

We're facing very challenging times in the world these days and our personal lives continue to present many challenges too.  I hope you are navigating these times with love and compassion.

Many Blessings!