Barbie and
Beyond
I've
been thinking about my Barbie Dolls and the condos my sister and I built for
them in the back of my Dad's bar in the basement of our first house on Apple
Pie Ridge. We made an elevator out of a
shoe box. They had all they needed and it
was very lush and inviting. Additions
and upgrades were constantly made for 'their' comfort and to maintain their
social Barbie and Ken status.
When
I moved into my early teens I drifted away from the Barbie condo and all the
amazing environments we had created for them.
My mother would ask me if I'd go and play Barbie Dolls with my sister,
who still was enjoying them and missing our fun together. I occasionally did go but I couldn't enjoy it
anymore. The fun was gone for me. It was
like looking at a strange land where I no longer fit. That which had been so alive for me was now
dead, empty. It had lost its meaning. This change happened slowly as dolls were replaced
by The Beatles, 'The Man From UNCLE' and giggling phone calls with girlfriends.
A phase of my life dropped away with little to no regret.
How
many changes happen like this in our lives that we don't even notice? We're filled with desire and then it is
filled and quickly we lose interest in whatever it was. It becomes old or isn't as great as we
imagined so desire finds a new target and we move on. I even noticed this as a child when I saw
that I immediately lost interest in the presents I had so wanted.
Sometimes,
however, the object of our desire has staying power...like my home. It becomes a safe haven and statement of my 'being'
in the world. Years of renovating and upgrading
deepened the roots I laid here. When I
moved in with my husband years ago I said the only way I would leave is feet
first. Only death do us part. I thought that would be true of both the
husband and this house. As the husband
left 11 years ago I turned to the house as my solace and reward. Losing it meant I'm a loser, that I'd failed
the game of life.
Well,
how silly is that?
Here's
sillier...I only just realized what kind of commitment I'd made to this external
reality when I remembered my Barbie Doll condo.
Even though I'm well versed in many of the spiritual teachings on
attachment and letting go and have dared see myself as a spiritual coach or teacher,
once again I'm humbled by my own limitations, beliefs and stories. I see I still need to move beyond the ideas I
was fed about what success looks like and what winners and losers look like. I like to pretend otherwise but I know I have
a deeply competitive nature and I like to win!
I wanted to prove to my family I wasn't the poor cousin. At the same time I'm a big maverick and don't
want to play by the rules. Those of you
who know me well are grinning or laughing saying "Well 'duh', Sherry.... no
surprise there." Those choices have
created an interesting life. A life with
very little ground or security many have built by this age in life. I tease that it's very Buddhist of me, very
little ground. Pema Chodren's Comfortable
With Uncertainty is beside my bed always!
So
with joy I tell you that realizing I no longer needed the Barbie Doll Condo
made letting go of this beautiful home and this life style easier. I'm letting
go of the ground I've been clinging to and it feels so good. I know many of you find it hard to see me let
go of this place. It's become a
spiritual home for us together. There may
still be moments of grief coming but something seems to have deeply shifted. There's a sweetness and ease returning for me
that has been long absent. I'm so
grateful for this! I'm enjoying my
moments here again where before they felt like anguish or stress. Thank you, Barbie, for helping me out! Barbie!
She is the perfect example. I think
you understand why without my explaining. Thank you, Universe, in all your
wisdom for guiding me to see this. I am
so grateful! yes, a little embarrassed
but very grateful! I love you Universe
and I love you all!!
